In Islam How do deal with conflict between spouses (An advice for Muslim men)

A man should not make his wife angry because if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will like another, so he should balance the two.

It should be noted that one of the main reasons that cause problems between spouses, and that could cause these problems to escalate to a very bad level is a lack of knowledge of the rights which each partner has over the other.

Islam states these rights clearly, and urges and obliges each partner to fulfil them, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… And they (women) have rights (over their husbands…) similar (to those of their husbands) over them, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them…” [al-Baqarah 2:228].

This aayah (verse) indicates that for every right that one partner has, there is a corresponding duty which the other partner must fulfil; thus balance will be achieved in all aspects of the relationship, which will strengthen the stability of family life.

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Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said concerning this aayah: “It is their (women’s) right to good companionship and proper treatment on the part of their husbands, and their duty to obey and do what their husbands tell them to do.” Ibn Zayd said: “Fear Allaah with regard to them (wives) just as they should fear Allaah with regard to you.” Al-Qurtubi said: “This aayah covers all the rights and duties within marriage.”

One of those rights is that trivial mistakes should be overlooked, especially words and deeds by which no harm was intended. Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2501; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4/171).

Both husband and wife have to be patient and put up with one another, because everyone makes mistakes, and the one with whom you have to be most patient is the one with whom you live and interacts with most. Neither party should resort to tit-for-tat reactions. If one spouse sees that the other is very angry, he or she should restrain his or her own anger, and not respond immediately. For this reason Abu’l-Darda’ said to his wife: “If you see me angry, calm me down, and if I see you angry, I will calm you down, otherwise it will be too difficult to live together.”

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A man should not make his wife angry if he sees in her something that he dislikes, he will like another, so he should balance the two.

The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman: if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will like another.”

Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: “Woman was created from a rib, and if you try to straighten a rib you will break it, so deal with her gently.”

One of the best ways to ensure a good atmosphere between husband and wife is a good attitude, hence Islam placed an important emphasis on this matter. T

The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no good deed that will be put in the balance that will weight heavier than a good attitude. The one who has a good attitude will reach, because of it, the level of those who fast and pray.”

The prophet also said: “The most perfect of the believers in faith are the best in attitude, and the best of you are those who are best to their womenfolk.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1/217; Ahmad, 2/250; Al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 284).

Some of the ways in which one can treat one’s wife well are to turn a blind eye and not to pick on things, great or small, and not to rebuke or scold for every single incident, except in the case of duties towards Allaah.